A Day Of Assigned-Female-At-Birth Chest Dysphoria

by Kelly Karoly

Content: Assigned-female-at-birth chest dysphoria
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Everything else is looking more and more right - everything else except these friggin' fat bags on my chest. I'm sorry, but I look in the mirror and they just don't belong there. I almost think they look even more out of place now that the testosterone is working on everything else. Damn milk sacs -.-

Gender Fluidity

A Call To Arms for the Weary

I would be so done trying to gain acceptance from this world if there weren't so many others, especially youths and children, who aren't one negative comment or image away from self-harm. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how ready we are to say screw this world, we must never give up this fight!

Can I Just Go Pee Please?

by Al Olsen



Boy or girl. Women’s or Men's. To most people going to the bathroom isn’t given a second thought. If you are female, obviously you go in the girls’ bathroom. The opposite gender does the same. Easy and simple, right? To most it is not even sexist. I was in that category until I went to a restaurant at the local mall. It was jungle themed, which was not my favourite. That I could ignore. The bathrooms, on the other hand, really ticked me off. They were labelled “Tarzan” and “Jane”. Instantly I got the “Me Tarzan, you Jane, me protect Jane” idea in my head. Naturally that sounded extremely sexist and I hated that.

This experience got me thinking. Have bathrooms always been gender segregated? What was the reason for it? Like for most things I get curious about, I turned to Google. My search, however, came up almost empty. The results showed almost entirely debates on the idea of unisex bathrooms. The only historical information I found was about public baths in Japan and Greece; where getting clean was a social event. 

Looking at the debates, the consensus were mixed. Some thought one gender was less likely to make messes. Others thought it would scar your kids to walk in on people using the facilities, which, in my mind, makes absolutely no sense because that could be remedied by stalls, though in reality, there shouldn't be any scarring from someone going to the bathroom. Even children do it. A small portion of the debaters say that they wouldn't care either way.

“Even children do it.” Segregated bathroom presents trouble for most parents of the opposite gender. Which bathroom can they use? Older children can obviously go by themselves, but not the little ones. There is no difference in using an unisex bathroom and bringing a young child into the opposite sex bathroom. Most changing tables are still in the women’s bathroom, making it difficult for the male relatives. That alone is extremely sexist and unfair to both genders.

Another difficulty that segregated bathrooms bring is for the disabled community. Partners who need help often have to wait until they find a family bathroom, which is still fairly new to society, or hold it. In some societies the physically challenged aren’t meant to live productive lives and raise families. In result, accommodating them is a foreign idea.

There is also the minority of transgender people. Changing the body in any way is never easy. To be forced to use one room just because you currently look like one gender is downright cruel. It is forcing them to deny their true gender to avoid others’ discomfort. Of course, there are all the people in between; androgyny, cross dressers, and drag queens.

In my opinion unisex rooms would make a lot more people happy and give them the ability to just go pee.

Discouragements

by Kelly Karoly and Al Olsen

"You've changed, and not for the better."

I haven't changed, I've just realized.

"Women/men can dress that way. You're just hung up on gender roles."

It's not just about the way I dress. It's how I inherently feel.

"I'm curious what your chromosomes would be if your blood was tested."

Me too, I guess, but now I wonder if you'd still respect my gender identity if my chromosomes were proven to be XX/XY and matched my "parts."

"Doesn't that just make you a tomboy?"

...Don't you think I'd choose to be a tomboy over this weird gender if I could??? It would be easier, would it not? With as much of this discouragement as I have to face when trying to explain myself in a way that cisgender people don't, I'd choose it in a heartbeat.

"I didn't raise you to be this way."

I hope you raised me to be myself and to stand up for myself, because that's what I'm doing.

Meet Your Admins - Al

Al is gender fluid and their self discovery journey has just begun. They grew up in an extreme cisgender world. They were raised to have a family, so now they have two children and a husband. Al still goes by their given name and cis pronouns in most of their world still, making it easier on people around them.

Fooling Myself

by Al Olsen

I was one of those girls who preferred jeans over dresses; remote controlled cars over Barbies. 

Yet, the things that I hated and thought were boring were a part of my life. Every Sunday I 

would put on one of the dresses that my Mother had bought for me, try to convince myself that 

I liked the way I looked. My parents liked the floral and frilly things on me, so it must be okay, 

right? I actually bought into the frilly outfits for a while, but my favourites were still jeans. I 

mean, you weren't allowed to play catch with Dad in a dress. As for Barbies, I never got the 

concept of them. 


Dad was the parent that would let me be myself. He would allow me to help paint and fix 

the fence, wash the latest family vehicle, sand and varnish the porch furniture. To this day, I 

love the smell of sawdust. My Mother, on the other hand, did not get me at all. She did try to 

let me be, but every once a while she had to remind me of my gender. When she did, I felt 

like hiding. There are two experiences that really stand out: finding training bras under the 

Christmas tree and having to hold them up so ALL of my relatives could see, then having my 

first menstrual cycle, and instead of being comforted, being told Oh congratulations I was a

woman now. Thanks, Mom. Ironically, it was Dad who explained the situation and calmed me 

down.


As I got older, I turned my thoughts to finding a mate, like most church going female teenagers 

do. With the gender specific stereotypes from the church and media, I course followed suit. 

Skirts and caked on makeup. I started trying to attract the right type of men, although I still 

favoured pants. They were just more useful, I didn't have to worry about acting "lady like". 

My mind was filled with dreams and ambitions. Then naturally, I fell in love and got married. 

Dreams and ambitions were cast aside so we could start a family. Our first born was a girl and 

I thought to myself "oh no she's going to grow up gender confused!" due to the fact that I didn't 

exactly dress normally according to society, except on Sundays. I started wearing the one 

colour I usually avoided like the plague: pink. Although I didn't forced it on her, our relatives 

bought enough pink and frilly stuff. 


After our son was born, I gradually began to be less active at church, which meant the 

pressure to be gender stereotypical was lower. Ironically, having less pressure that way also 

meant I didn't have to follow inane modesty rules. Feeling that total freedom to wear whatever 

the hell I wanted brought the "oh my god, that skirt is damn short" phase out of me. For a while 

it was fun and exciting. I had a fling with my inner girl. In the end though, I found comfort in 

Gothic clothes and of course jeans. Less obviously girl. I wear both gender clothing now. I am 

finding that it is okay to do so. My journey to be myself is just beginning.